


Forty two X 2

by CastielsCarma



Series: Poems of Supernatural [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester's Birthday, Despair embraces 15x20, Hope rejects 15x20, M/M, Prose Poem, in honor of, the last one is about the barn scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsCarma/pseuds/CastielsCarma
Summary: Hope and Despair
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Poems of Supernatural [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1363876
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> The first poem, Hope is made out of 42 sentences and is basically about Dean's life from childhood until the end of the show (but it's a fix-it so it ends well).
> 
> The second poem, Despair is made out of 42 words and depicts Dean's thoughts in the barn scene. It's mcd but not explicit.
> 
> (The 42 words are 42 according to my word processor. I take no questions).
> 
> I hope you'll like these poems! I appreciate every single one of you. <3 Extra love if you get the title reference ; )

A mother's love burns

unconditional, until it turns

into smoke that settles inside his lungs

Its charcoal remains, a tired heart

They move like restless spirits

the deep rumbling lulling him asleep

He prefers it over paper walls, a room that stinks

ghosts and monsters and the one who drinks

It's fleeting, this sense of peace that

shatters as his brother leaves until

he's dragged back, screaming.

Voices that haunt him and restless dreaming

He knows about the unrest that walks the earth

and duty is heavier than a mountain

Pain, and blood and memories of Hell

until that barn and Castiel, the angel that fell

And so it goes, from Famine and fake God

to demon King and Purgatory, a place that felt pure

a blade, a Mark and for his sense of nothingness, no cure

And demons, possession, and God's twisted obsession

Nothing can stay, but slowly they gather

family chosen out of blood, and trauma, and pain

One step forward, a thousand steps back

long is the journey, longer the fight

These urges he has to touch the moon

it illuminates his very darkest corners

it purifies the desolate heart,

his heart opens slowly, something grows

Until the Nephilim comes, a seed born of mistrust

the stark reminder of hope gone dead

and he's there in his stead, when everything is ashes

Ouroboros of pain, tail swallowed by head

Trapped in God's narrative, illusions of choice

the love for them all, was his existence real?

Then uttered with surety and despair in that voice

We are and I love you, then everything goes

Determination of will and a staggering loss

Knees on sharp gravel, longing that coils around his heart

And Castiel emerges, scattered to the winds his grace

On his lips, the highest truth, I love you too, to his blessed face

An angel that fell, and a man that rose

with these last words, their story close


	2. Despair

42 is the meaning of life

Dean read that in a library somewhere,

a no-name town

The rebar in his back

hurts less than regret

I love you too, Cas

42, the meaning of life

Maybe that's why his ends

at 41


End file.
